My 40 Before 40

It is the Winter break now and I have been consuming my favourite YouTube videos on repeat. 

And as a result, a certain tag piqued my interest and got my attention. I don't usually pay attention to these types of tags as I often do feel that they are just fluff. 

However, it piqued my interest because it made me, especially at a time of year when contemplation is most apt, think about the life that I have LIVED thus far and whether I have really lived it with a sense of intimate purpose and to a healthy degree of happiness and contentment?

And I am proud to say, yes, I have.

The tag in question that led to this pondering was the 30 Before 30 tag. 

I must be honest with you now, though. 

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I am in my mid thirties and so, while most of these vids have been made by young women barely in their 20's and with the imaginative foresight of youth still on their side, I don't have that same perspective. 

With that being said, I did think back to my younger days, particularly my teenaged years and I have to admit: My life has been pretty. damn. dope!!!!

Every wish, every goal, every hope thought of, prayed for and worked towards has been, by my early 30's, achieved. These have run the gamut from career and educational goals to travel and intimate goals.

I am so damn grateful. 

So grateful to God and His unending mercies. 

Thank You!!

But there is still more to play for.

Indeed, the watershed year of 40 is around the corner. 

Are there any more bucket list items to make or knock off?

To be honest with you, there is one that remains aloof. 

Marriage. 

I have written about this a few times on this blog specific to some relationships that I have had and have been privy to know about. 

As a result, that is the one thing that has changed about me over the years. 

There is no longer a fundamental belief that this institution can or will give me happiness or peace of mind or even a sense of accomplishment. 

It seems nice and even nicer to look at it on the outside, but the sheer reality of having to live it, well, scares me. 

Scares me for its unpredictability. You just never know what you are going to experience and even if it is great, is it the experience that you needed; that could make you grow soulfully? 

The most important thing that I have learned now that I am in my mid 30s is that happiness can only come from within. It CANNOT be found in people, places and things. CANNOT. 

And praise be to God, I am living that reality- NOW!!

The List

What I do want to achieve now that the big 4-0 is around the corner is a lot more esoteric inclined. 

1. I want to forgive completely and have the maturity and the wisdom to know when continuing a damaged relationship is worth it and when it is not. 

2. To be 100% authentic 100% of the time- including curse words and all. 

3. Take care of my whole self consistently. 

4. Write

5. Design, have made and wear traditional Kurdish dress.

Not a very comprehensive list, but these items warm my heart for now. So, if you are reading this, especially at this time of the year, do yourself a favour and think about any milestones you have always wanted to achieve and make a decision to give it your best shot, 2018.