Not the sexiest of topics, but one that I unfortunately find most relevant now.
Two years ago to this month, I suffered an unprecedented acne breakout that brought out a side of me that I did not know was there- the superficial. All vanities aside though, I was known all over for my picture perfect "I can see the glass of water you drank this morning" skin tone. Coupled with the fact that I have a pretty looking young face, as in when I go to America I have to show I.D. to see certain movies, I had the face of an angel.
And then like that, KaBOOM!! Gone. I have been on a journey since then, without going to the dermatologist to remedy this. And I must say for the last 9 months results have been very promising. But I am still nowhere near my glory days.
Since I had never had an acne problem, I could not figure out what the problem was. Until one day, a young lady whispered in my ear- Stress. Stress! I've been through very stressful times in my life and my skin never betrayed me. I thought, cuhdear, this lovely young yam don't even know what she talking bout and quickly dismissed her synopsis.
With a little research I realised that my type of acne was not just a mild breakout- how could it be, it looked like a bomb had gone off next to my face. What I found was that I had cystic acne, and with its occurrence, I started focusing on my face 24/7 to the point of doing the number one cardinal sin for acne- picking.
Ughhh!!! This action I suppose made it worse, I don't know.
In an effort to ascertain the cause of cystic acne, I found a couple of things. The first thing was a fluctuation in hormonal levels and stress!!
I am still trying to accept it. Why?
I am more willing to put it down to hormonal fluctuations as I cross the great 3' threshold, but not stress.
I had always considered myself rhinoceros tough. Even though I had been through some painful moments in life, no one, not even my closest were none the wiser. I thought that I could handle anything on my own.
Life let me know, that, yup, just like anyone else, life can get to me too. With this new sense of awakening, I thought this situation was a great metaphor for life. You know what they say about what goes on beneath the surface; still waters run deep etc.
I finally realised that one's ability to deal with life's toughest moments was not about how you held up your veneer, but whether or not the well spring of one's emotions and soul, which laid beneath the veneer was in good shape.
I thought I was, honestly, I did. You see, I have a deep, profound and unquestionable trust and faith in God and the universe for my good. But looking back at that time, I realised that I did have a spike, but not necessarily stress, but fear. Series of events had climaxed paralysing me in a comatose state of fear.
I am an Aries and this clan of women does not do fear. And quite frankly I had never really felt it like this before in my life. Well perhaps once maybe twice, but not like this.
Not knowing what would happen next, I had to let go of the need to control the situation and in my mind, substantiated fears of an unpleasant demise, and the anxiety that came with that. Unawares of my inability to do so initially, the evidence came as a result of my cystic acne outbreak.
So what has it taught me? Well much like what I have mentioned before, you don't have control over others and their actions.
I found myself one small fish going against the tide and running myself completely ragged for it. To survive, I had to surrender and trust that by giving up the fight the waves would bring me to the destination that the universe had always intended for me.
I have finally landed (two years later) and as I lay seemingly like a fish out of water floundering and flapping around on the wet sandy shores, I know that I am in a deep state of transformation and evolution as God prepares me to die one death so that I can release myself from the burdensome scales of unfair judgement and finally awaken, human, to feel the sand between my toes and take my first step into my dignity and my self-respect.
Sorry guys it wasn't your typical blogger beauty post or advice on cystic acne, because besides the hormonal implications which can be fixed with a pill, the stress can't. And so I wanted to share with you the process that has led me through this outbreak. As I get stronger in my skin and in my foundation and learn to trust that the universe has my back no matter what, I have cured myself of the damned thing- and so can you!!
Petra Marie…Inspired Be