Do you believe in second chances? I am not sure that I do, only because I have never really had a second chance experience, until now. And what do I mean by second chances? I guess you can take it literally. The fortunate luck of reclaiming something or someone you once had but was lost to time or to circumstances.
I have spoken on at least one occasion about my relationship with my father, which for over, I believe 20 years, has been marked by physical separation and, for me, a lack of trust and conviction of his dedication or devotion. A far cry from the first 11 years of my life with him. Back then, the only way that I could describe him was as the apple of my eye in every sense of the word.
But after 20 years of the circumstances described above, the idealistic perception of him waned and died. Perhaps during those years, his devotion and dedication was always there, but for whatever reasons I never felt it. As a result, I could argue, that even though he was very much 'present', the opportunity to have a father/daughter dynamic was lost.
This week I had an experience with him that even though quite trivial, was indeed a penultimate one indicative of a trend over the last 3 years or so. A trend that has seen him take a more involved stance in my life. Sadly though in the moment, the experience that I reference, I did not even realise or respond positively to his act of concern or interest, but on reflection all that I can do now is smile.
You see, I am by all means grown and by that sometimes you do not expect your parents to coddle you, like when you were young. Furthermore, with my 20 year separation from him, I did not even remember what that felt like. Lord knows, many a time during my teenaged years and young adult life I would have on a subconscious level yearned for that type of dynamic, but on a visceral level never thought it likely and so it never was.
But for the last 3 years or so, as I said before, this lost experience is slowly but surely being reclaimed for a second chance. Today, the slightest of dis-ease expressed on my part launches him into a Mr. Fix It mode where he tries to decipher the issue and, you guessed it, fix it.
I must say it is usually viewed with great annoyance. I mean let's face it, to those grown folks out there, who needs their parent (over)reacting to every sigh or to every slight remark of frustration or sadness? I certainly don't and in more ways than one, I often took it with offence because as far as I was concerned during these years I have by all means earned my stripes- taking care of and dealing with every situation to arise on my own and with great 'success'.
But like I said, on reflection, I am humbled by the opportunity that the universe has afforded me to once again experience an experience that was lost all those years ago.
Petra Marie…Inspired Be